Mom: Please stop wearing my socks.
Son: They were in my drawer.
Mom: Because you sort the clean laundry!
Mom: (texts) It's 1:15am, you're late.
Mom: (texts) It's 1:25am, if you're not home in 5 minutes you're grounded.
Mom: (texts) It's 1:35am, now I'm getting scared. Where are you?
Mom: (calls) It's 2:00am, where are you?
Son: In bed.
Mom: What time did you come in?
Son: Just before 1am, you were in bed so I didn't say 'hi'.
Mom: Oh. Nevermind. Sleep well, I love you.
Son: Mom, how do you tell a girl you're not interested but want to be friends?
Mom: You tell her you're glad you're friends. Be straight with her but kind. Treat her like you would any good friend and answer questions honestly with concern for her feelings and you'll be fine.
Son: And she won't be upset?
Mom: Nope, not a chance in hell. She's be heartbroken and you'll feel like crap.
Son: Gee, thanks Mom.
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