How many times should you give one person "another chance"? How many times should you make allowances? How many times can you be hurt by someone else's lack of consideration, their total disregard for your feelings? When is enough - enough?
I make excuses for him, I cover for him, I defend him. Why do I continue to care so much, when its obvious to everyone around me that he truly doesn't care about me. He makes decisions that directly affect me and our son, that could be devastating, and yet I still try to defend him, make excuses for him. Be nice to him.
I think I've finally hit "enough". While I'm here, up late packing up his clothes, his things, his mess - he's off camping with his new best friend. I have bills to pay, a house to manage, a son to care for, a job to do, and I'm ok with that. Really. But I have decided that I've had enough.
I'm not sure what's going to happen next for my son and I, but we'll face it together. We've both had "enough".
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
I can't, can I?
Now that I'm a "single woman", I'm realizing all of the things that I never learned to do because it was my husband's job. I've never used a power lawn mower, programmed the furnace thermostat, replaced the furnace filters, operated a weed eater, fixed a leak, cleaned the roof gutters, or any of the other hundred joys of owning a home. It's never been a question of whether I'm capable, it was a typical "his job vs. her job" marriage.
Last night I pulled into the parking structure at The Hult Center where I'm stage manager for the ACE production of 'Cats' when I noticed my left headlight was burned out. I immediately panicked knowing that I couldn't just tell my husband to replace it. On consulting with a long time friend, whom I've admired for being an "independent woman", she asked if I had the manual for my car. (long pause) Oh. Yes, I do. Feeling rather embarrassed I retrieved the manual and checked the car maintenance section.
This morning I put on a semi-grubby shirt (not too grubby - I am going out in public), my fingerless knit gloves (it's cold out), my new black Harley motorcycle boots (they need to be broken in), and a pair of super-baggy jeans. Although my other jeans would look better, I need them for the show tonight. I may be dressing to work on a car, but I'm still a girl! I don my headphones, grab a package of wet-wipes, and head out to the car.
The short version is that I managed to remove the burned out headlamp, buy a new one at Knecht's, and install it all by myself. I'm sure that next time it won't take me an hour and ten minutes since I now know what the book means by "swivel base, remove wire, replace lamp". Auto manuals are obviously written by men - short sentences, lots of blank space.
When the thought of being solely responsible for the house, yard, and car overwhelms me, I need to remember that I can do it, I just have to learn how. I momentarily forgot all of the many, many things I've learned to do over the years, most of them self-taught. I've always said that I can learn almost anything from a book; I taught myself to knit, sew, draw, quilt, cook, garden, basic SQL programming, build planter boxes, design decks, refinish wood floors, speak a little Korean, hang wallpaper, lay ceramic tile. There really isn't anything that I can't learn to do, if I want to. And for the projects that are too big for me, I can hire someone else to do them.
So while I will need to locate a reasonably priced handyman (I refuse to get on the roof), I'm sure I can handle everything else. I have a feeling that Google 'how to' searches are going to become my best friend!
Last night I pulled into the parking structure at The Hult Center where I'm stage manager for the ACE production of 'Cats' when I noticed my left headlight was burned out. I immediately panicked knowing that I couldn't just tell my husband to replace it. On consulting with a long time friend, whom I've admired for being an "independent woman", she asked if I had the manual for my car. (long pause) Oh. Yes, I do. Feeling rather embarrassed I retrieved the manual and checked the car maintenance section.
This morning I put on a semi-grubby shirt (not too grubby - I am going out in public), my fingerless knit gloves (it's cold out), my new black Harley motorcycle boots (they need to be broken in), and a pair of super-baggy jeans. Although my other jeans would look better, I need them for the show tonight. I may be dressing to work on a car, but I'm still a girl! I don my headphones, grab a package of wet-wipes, and head out to the car.
The short version is that I managed to remove the burned out headlamp, buy a new one at Knecht's, and install it all by myself. I'm sure that next time it won't take me an hour and ten minutes since I now know what the book means by "swivel base, remove wire, replace lamp". Auto manuals are obviously written by men - short sentences, lots of blank space.
When the thought of being solely responsible for the house, yard, and car overwhelms me, I need to remember that I can do it, I just have to learn how. I momentarily forgot all of the many, many things I've learned to do over the years, most of them self-taught. I've always said that I can learn almost anything from a book; I taught myself to knit, sew, draw, quilt, cook, garden, basic SQL programming, build planter boxes, design decks, refinish wood floors, speak a little Korean, hang wallpaper, lay ceramic tile. There really isn't anything that I can't learn to do, if I want to. And for the projects that are too big for me, I can hire someone else to do them.
So while I will need to locate a reasonably priced handyman (I refuse to get on the roof), I'm sure I can handle everything else. I have a feeling that Google 'how to' searches are going to become my best friend!
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