Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Do Miracles Really Happen?

I've always believed in miracles.  Not the larger than life miracles, but the miracles of everyday life.  Babies, snowflakes, the smell of grass after a spring rain, the love of someone special, a best friend.  Those are all miracles.

Some of you may think this is blasphemous, for which I apologize, but I think another miracle may have happened today.  I'm afraid to hope, but I seem to be hoping anyway.  I think the ex may have actually fixed this latest screw up of his, and removed me from the loan.  I haven't heard from him, but the bank called me to sign some papers that will transfer the entire loan to him, and I'm out of it altogether.  I have no idea what happened, and may never know, which I can live with.  It's just such a relief that this may be over.

I'm afraid to hope, afraid to tell Nathan only to have both of our hopes dashed yet again.  I will tell him, because my wonderful son asked me to promise that I would hold nothing back.  I wanted to protect him, to make sure that he still loved his dad, and could respect his dad, for his sake, not for his dad's.  My handsome, mature young man said that he wanted to know everything or he couldn't help me to work through all of this.  He is truly my biggest miracle.

I can't thank my family and friends enough for their thoughts and prayers.  It worked.  Although the stress of this has affected my mental and physical health (I'm getting sick!), my heart is overflowing with love for everyone around me.  I don't have the right words to express what I feel.

So... although I'm afraid to hope that this latest disaster of his may be over, I'm definitely not as worried as I was.  Things are tight for us, but we'll make it through.  Miracles are everywhere.  Believe in them.  I do.

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