I'm tired of keeping secrets. Who did I tell what to? Should I tell them? How much should I tell them? No more secrets. Of course, I don't mean sensitive information entrusted to me by my family and friends. Those secrets will always be kept.
I've decided that my application to the Oregon Bariatric Center (OBC) for gastric by-pass surgery is now out for discussion. I'd rather most of the people at work not know, simply because some of them don't understand the concept of boundaries. I really don't want the constant questions about my weight that I know certain co-workers would bombard me with. My family knows, my theatre friends.
This will be a long process for me, I'm not even through the initial evaluation period, and don't have any idea when my surgery will be. There is always the outside chance that I won't be approved for surgery, although I've been assured by the case manager of the OBC that I'm the "perfect" candidate. I hope so.
So, yes, it's ok to talk about the surgery. Just don't ask me what my weight is, or how much I've lost EVERY time you see me. Talk about the lifestyle changes, the bright side of making changes, or better yet, talk about how great life is. 'Cause life is fantastic and should never be wasted or taken for granted!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
A New Friend
I had the pleasure of making a new friend today, very unexpectedly. I was very nervous about meeting her; after all, she flew from the other side of the globe to spend time with me. Me. Me? Who in their right mind would fly for 2 days to spend 6 hours over two days with ME?
I didn't know what to expect. Because we work in the same capacity in our two organizations we have spoken via email for almost a year; strictly business, very formal. The moment we met, we smiled, and knew we would become more than business associates -- we'd become friends.
I look forward to spending more time tomorrow with my new friend, and already feel sad that she will be leaving so soon. My deepest wish is that perhaps next year I can travel, to see Korea, to see Eun Hee.
I didn't know what to expect. Because we work in the same capacity in our two organizations we have spoken via email for almost a year; strictly business, very formal. The moment we met, we smiled, and knew we would become more than business associates -- we'd become friends.
I look forward to spending more time tomorrow with my new friend, and already feel sad that she will be leaving so soon. My deepest wish is that perhaps next year I can travel, to see Korea, to see Eun Hee.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Glad to be alive
I am now, hopefully, fully recovered from the flu-type illness of last week. You know it had to be nasty for me to stop eating for 5 days. I'm looking forward to my next visit to the doctor to see if I've lost weight. I'm relatively certain that I did, although I wouldn't recommend "dieting by illness".
As some of you know, I've applied to the Oregon Bariatric Center (OBC) for gastric by-pass surgery. One of the prerequisites is that I have to lose 15 lbs pre-surgery or they delay the surgery. The down-side to this is the upcoming holidays; I'm concerned about not only the diet during the holidays, but how to explain to friends/family who don't know about the surgery. My surgery probably won't be until after Jan 2009, so anything I lose now I have to maintain.
Another difficult aspect of gastric by-pass is re-training the family to my new dietary needs. We've been eating so poorly for so many years that it's a real challenge to change now. Giving up caffeine and carbonated drinks has been the worst adjustment; and having to eat specific foods at specific times when I'm used to eating junk anytime I want.
Tonight I'm just glad to be alive, and with my family, and feeling (relatively) well.
As some of you know, I've applied to the Oregon Bariatric Center (OBC) for gastric by-pass surgery. One of the prerequisites is that I have to lose 15 lbs pre-surgery or they delay the surgery. The down-side to this is the upcoming holidays; I'm concerned about not only the diet during the holidays, but how to explain to friends/family who don't know about the surgery. My surgery probably won't be until after Jan 2009, so anything I lose now I have to maintain.
Another difficult aspect of gastric by-pass is re-training the family to my new dietary needs. We've been eating so poorly for so many years that it's a real challenge to change now. Giving up caffeine and carbonated drinks has been the worst adjustment; and having to eat specific foods at specific times when I'm used to eating junk anytime I want.
Tonight I'm just glad to be alive, and with my family, and feeling (relatively) well.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tonight, I cried.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tonight I cried. Yesterday I held my baby for the first time. Tonight I saw a handsome young man leave Middle School behind. A child half grown, confident, looking to the future.
Tonight I cried. Tonight I saw the first video of a baby yet to come into this world. A tiny life, full of promise, our hope for the future.
Tonight I cried. Tonight I found my heart so full of love, so full of pride, so full of joy, it overflowed in tears.
Tonight I cried. Yesterday I held my baby for the first time. Tonight I saw a handsome young man leave Middle School behind. A child half grown, confident, looking to the future.
Tonight I cried. Tonight I saw the first video of a baby yet to come into this world. A tiny life, full of promise, our hope for the future.
Tonight I cried. Tonight I found my heart so full of love, so full of pride, so full of joy, it overflowed in tears.
It's the thought that counts
Sunday, May 18, 2008
My parents always tried to teach us kids that it wasn't the gift we received that was important but the thought behind it. I can't speak for my siblings, but my reaction was "Hell yes, the gift is the important thing".
I've decided I was wrong. It really is the thought that counts behind the gifts your loved ones give you. Now I know why my mother always treasured that stupid blue duck I made in second grade. Why I love the mug my best friend gave me 20 years ago. Why the little gifts from my boss mean so much. Why a card from my sister is absolutely the greatest. Because they all thought about me.
If you really want to know what changed my mind - just ask me. I'd love to tell you all about the mother's day button.
My parents always tried to teach us kids that it wasn't the gift we received that was important but the thought behind it. I can't speak for my siblings, but my reaction was "Hell yes, the gift is the important thing".
I've decided I was wrong. It really is the thought that counts behind the gifts your loved ones give you. Now I know why my mother always treasured that stupid blue duck I made in second grade. Why I love the mug my best friend gave me 20 years ago. Why the little gifts from my boss mean so much. Why a card from my sister is absolutely the greatest. Because they all thought about me.
If you really want to know what changed my mind - just ask me. I'd love to tell you all about the mother's day button.
Just get over it!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Just get over it!
Has anyone ever made the comment to you to "Just get over it!"? Or "You need to change your attitude"? Or my personal favorite, "Just snap out of it"? Well, take it from me, when you're depressed or battling low self-esteem, you can't just get over it.
As a chronic sufferer of depression and low self-esteem, I started to think about the things I did to "snap out of it". The first thing was to get professional help, a doctor who diagnosed me correctly, worked to find the right medication, and referred me to a psychologist. The next was to spend a lot of time with said psychologist. I do mean A LOT of time. Changing the way you view yourself is a daunting task, but not unattainable.
Once I turned at least some of my self-esteem to a positive view, I then began doing things that made me feel good. I know it sounds overly simple, but when you do things that make you feel good, that make you happy, it's much more difficult to dislike yourself. When you do things that make yourself and others happy, the self-esteem meter really goes up.
I do things that make me feel good. I like making people laugh. I love my art. I work hard to make myself needed on the job, and at home. I collect fortune cookie proverbs. I take singing lessons. I wear clothes with patterns, color, and style appropriate for my size.
I'm not saying that my self-esteem is the best it can be, but it's sure a heck of a lot better than it used to be. It took a lot of really hard work, and lots of help, to get it to where it is now. And that makes me happy, too.
Just get over it!
Has anyone ever made the comment to you to "Just get over it!"? Or "You need to change your attitude"? Or my personal favorite, "Just snap out of it"? Well, take it from me, when you're depressed or battling low self-esteem, you can't just get over it.
As a chronic sufferer of depression and low self-esteem, I started to think about the things I did to "snap out of it". The first thing was to get professional help, a doctor who diagnosed me correctly, worked to find the right medication, and referred me to a psychologist. The next was to spend a lot of time with said psychologist. I do mean A LOT of time. Changing the way you view yourself is a daunting task, but not unattainable.
Once I turned at least some of my self-esteem to a positive view, I then began doing things that made me feel good. I know it sounds overly simple, but when you do things that make you feel good, that make you happy, it's much more difficult to dislike yourself. When you do things that make yourself and others happy, the self-esteem meter really goes up.
I do things that make me feel good. I like making people laugh. I love my art. I work hard to make myself needed on the job, and at home. I collect fortune cookie proverbs. I take singing lessons. I wear clothes with patterns, color, and style appropriate for my size.
I'm not saying that my self-esteem is the best it can be, but it's sure a heck of a lot better than it used to be. It took a lot of really hard work, and lots of help, to get it to where it is now. And that makes me happy, too.
The Selfish Mother
Saturday, May 10, 2008
This is the story of a selfish mother. No, she isn't one of those Hallmark card moms, who darned your socks or made chicken soup for your colds. Those are the cards she sent to her own mom. She thanked her mom for being selfless, for her devotion to her family, for all the years of love. But they were hollow words. Words she spoke because it was required every May.
Then 14 years ago everything changed. She was no longer just a daughter, or even a mother-to-be. She was Mom. And she realized that being a mom isn't selfless -- it's the most selfish thing she'd ever done. To be a mom is to know the joy of hearing a little voice say "Mommy" for the first time. Being a mom is to find your heart overflowing with pride when your baby takes their first step, sings their first song, or wins their first race.
How can a mom be described as selfless, when everything she does for her child makes her feel so incredible? There is no feeling anywhere that can compare with the feeling inside when your baby falls asleep in your arms. There is no feeling as intense as the joy you feel when your child unwraps their Christmas gifts. Nothing can ever compare to being a mother.
Perhaps that is why I rarely ask for anything on Mother's Day. I was given the greatest gift of all -- 14 years ago.
This is the story of a selfish mother. No, she isn't one of those Hallmark card moms, who darned your socks or made chicken soup for your colds. Those are the cards she sent to her own mom. She thanked her mom for being selfless, for her devotion to her family, for all the years of love. But they were hollow words. Words she spoke because it was required every May.
Then 14 years ago everything changed. She was no longer just a daughter, or even a mother-to-be. She was Mom. And she realized that being a mom isn't selfless -- it's the most selfish thing she'd ever done. To be a mom is to know the joy of hearing a little voice say "Mommy" for the first time. Being a mom is to find your heart overflowing with pride when your baby takes their first step, sings their first song, or wins their first race.
How can a mom be described as selfless, when everything she does for her child makes her feel so incredible? There is no feeling anywhere that can compare with the feeling inside when your baby falls asleep in your arms. There is no feeling as intense as the joy you feel when your child unwraps their Christmas gifts. Nothing can ever compare to being a mother.
Perhaps that is why I rarely ask for anything on Mother's Day. I was given the greatest gift of all -- 14 years ago.
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