The only thing in life that stays the same...

The only thing in life that stays the same is that everything in life changes. Some changes are small, some big, some good, some bad, and some changes are impossible to quantify.

Do you remember the day you moved out of your parents' house and got a place all your own? Maybe with a room mate, maybe not, but still being independent and totally self-sufficient. Well, I don't remember that because I went straight from my parents' house to married life. Now, in my mid-forties, I find myself learning to be independent. True, I have a teenage son living in the house, but for the first time in my life I'm the only head of the house, the person solely responsible for everything. And it's a bit overwhelming.

I haven't decided if this change is good or bad - probably a lot of both. It's definitely going to be a challenge.

A rose by any other name... still stinks?

Shakespeare said something to the effect of "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". Someone else said, "What's in a name?". My question is, "What's in a title?".

I've never really been that hung up on titles, though I've been quick to point out that I was an administrative assistant not a secretary, or that I am my son's 'real mom' although not his birth mom. I've had lots of titles, assistant director, light operator, stage manager, receptionist, clerical assistant, wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, artist, etc. I always felt that they're just titles, they don't define who I am, the simply describe some of my roles in life.

So it is with surprise that I now find myself concerned with my job title. Does it reflect what I do for a living? Does is establish my place in the hierarchy? Is it taken seriously or dismissed out of hand as being too low on the totem pole to be of concern? Does it come with any perks? Should it be changed to better describe my position? What would changing it accomplish? The biggest question of all is - Would anyone even care what my title was or becomes?

I do see in myself the need to have a clearly defined title, along with an even greater need to have a clearly defined position established within the company hierarchy. That's just a fancy way of saying, "Who am I and where do I fit in?", questions we all ask at different times of our lives.

Sure wish I had an answer!

Recent events within my "circle" have made me feel demoted, devalued, and dismissed. Not a feeling that sits well with me, not anymore. At one time I would have accepted it and eaten my way through my depression. I can't eat my way through these situations any more, so I find myself getting angrier than in the past. I will not be dismissed, nor will I tolerate what I do being dismissed as unimportant.

Please understand one thing, though, which is that I do appreciate the opportunities I've been given to take on new projects and expand my duties. If I hadn't been given these opportunities I would have left long ago, bored out of my mind. I like where I work, I adore my bosses, and I have no desire to work anywhere else. But, it's hard having the tasks that I was hired to handle being dismissed as low on the priority list, which makes me feel that I'm personally low on the same list.

Ok. Time to end the pity party. No more whimpering, whining, or pouting (I couldn't think of another word that started with "wh"). Time to get over it. Yeah, right, sure... LOL

Mmmm, good!

It's a rainy, cold Saturday afternoon, and I was hungry. So I did what every good housewife does, I bitched at my husband. Actually, I pulled out my brand new Korean cookbook and flipped through it, coming across what appeared to be a very simple soup recipe. I made it in about 10 minutes, and thought it was delicious! Beansprout soup doesn't sound that great, it doesn't even look all the great, but it was quite tasty. I had to change a few ingredients, adapt it to my American cupboard, but it was still so very easy and good. And according to the cookbook, it will ward off the common cold during the winter months. I can't wait to pick up more Korean recipes to try.

Campbells soup it ain't, but then I'm no Betty Crocker!

Cubicles and other insults

I usually like my job, it's interesting, varied, a good employer, and I get to talk to some really nice people. Some not so nice, but the nice ones make up for the grumpier ones. Today, I'm not so happy. I've been demoted.

I haven't actually been demoted, but it feels that way. I have to give up my nice, moderately sized, quiet cubicle for a make-shift shoebox with a window. My boss is moving to a slightly smaller office with a window, but she's been in that space before and likes it. It also moves her farther away from me. She doesn't think its a big deal, but we converse a lot through the doorway separating us. I think it's going to be a pain in the butt! I'm actually going to be more isolated than I was before.

Our newest member of the team, although he has been able to take over a few tasks for me, is also one more person that I'm administrative support for. Love him and am very happy he's joined us, no question about that. The powers that be are also expanding programs and projects for the people I support, which is very exciting for them and the department.

I'm glad these things are happening, and glad that I get to support these new projects in my small way. But due to various reasons that are out of my control, none of the areas that I work with directly will be expanded. At times, it feels as if they aren't even being acknowledged. I don't feel like I'm being acknowledged. I feel like I'm being dismissed, and it sucks. I have to admit, having the "new guy" explaining to me why my work is being dismissed as unimportant in the grand scheme of things did rather piss me off! Six weeks does not an expert make.

Being low man on the totem pole can be a bit "sucky". Information is like the rain, it hits the top of the pole first, then trickles down. Sometimes the bottom of the pole, which supports the entire structure, feels dry as a bone. And a bit squashed.

Tomorrow is casual Friday; I'm sure things will look better in jeans and comfy shoes. It's still a good job, a good place to work, with a good boss, and job security. I am grateful for it -- mostly.

New Experiences

According to my fortune cookie tonight, I should be on the look-out for opportunities to explore new experiences. How's that for 20/20 hindsight?

I'm usually open to new experiences, such as international travel, authentic Korean food, riding a subway in Seoul, taking a Korean taxi by myself, using my first Asian "squat pot", being a minority however briefly. Getting in the taxi van to go to the airport knowing the driver is the same man who picked me up from the airport, still wearing the same dark glasses. Crossing a typical Seoul street on foot, all 7 lanes. Yeah, I'm good with new experiences.

I'm willing to try almost anything... once. I wouldn't recommend taxi drivers who wear dark glasses at night. Once was enough, twice was scary.

Day Something

I have no idea what day it is, or was, or whatever. I've been home 24 hours now. But then again, I left Seoul on Saturday Oct 17 at 2pm and arrived in Eugene on Saturday Oct 17 at 1pm. I'm so confused!

The flight home was fine, relatively uneventful. Lots of turbulence over the Pacific, but we got into San Francisco an hour early, which was nice since it took a long time to get through all of the security. Late leaving San Fran, of course, as it seems they over-booked the flights and didn't have enough gates to accommodate. They had planes stacked up 3 deep waiting to board passengers.

The view from my hotel room.

There is so much still running around in my head about the trip. It was so incredible it's hard to put into words. The city is huge, and has over 10 million inhabitants, and yet it didn't fee over-crowded. It was nice to walk along the street, bump into people and not worry about offending someone. No one takes notice. Even though very few Koreans speak English, they all seemed quite nice and willing to help however they could.

Street vendors attracting crowds.

I really thought I would feel uncomfortable being in the minority. There were more Caucasians in public places than I thought there would be, but I was still obviously the minority. When I went to lunch with the Holt PAS department I was the only white in the restaurant. No one felt the need to speak English, or seemed to care that I couldn't understand or take part in the conversation. At first I felt awkward, but by the end of lunch I could tell when they were teasing someone else, or talking about work, and I didn't feel awkward anymore. More than anything I wished I could understand what they were saying making me more determined to learn Korean.

I learned so much about the Korean culture in general, and regarding adoption in Korean in particular. I realized how much we need to do to teach our parents about the culture their children came from, and how much we need to learn to help our adult adoptees understand the culture that placed them into a home in America.

I really believe, now more than ever, that it's important that we understand every culture our children come from. Immersing our children in their birth culture isn't as important as our understanding of that culture. Kids want to know about the current styles at school, the newest iPod, the popular movies. But when they ask us why their birth parents placed them for adoption, we need to be able to explain the culture that motivated their birth parents' decision. We need to be able to explain to our parents why the birth country is asking for certain requirements, why country A will allow 5 kids in the home but country B only allows 2, why their child is afraid of something as simple as a stuffed animal, why he won't eat hamburgers or will only eat noodles with sesame oil morning, noon, and night.

I look forward to learning about the cultures of all the countries we work with. We should all learn about other cultures - learn to honor them, not ridicule them for being strange to us.

Day 9

No new pictures today. Sorry. Spent most of the day working at Holt PAS, and visiting GOA'L, an organization run by mainly European Korean adoptees. Angry European Korean adoptees, who don't like Holt Korea or Holt International. Apparently, we're simply evil. No matter what I said, how I described our services, and how we want to work with them not against them, the adoptee I met with didn't hear a word of it. It was eye-opening, and disappointing. They really are fostering the dislike for all adoption agencies, not trying to work with them for the benefit of the adoptees.

Had lunch with Eun Hee - some chicken/veggie dish that was fantastic. The tenderest chicken I've ever eaten, all drenched in a thick spicy sauce. I ate too much, but we walked it off later. We went to Namdaemun Market for a little shopping, but had to go back to the office to finish our meeting. It's going to take me a long time to write the report of this trip, I learned and experienced so much. I'm tired and looking forward to seeing my family again, but sorry I have to leave.

I did learn a few more lessons the past couple of days: If you've been waiting at a red light for longer than you think you should, and there aren't many cars, it's ok to go ahead through the intersection. Yellow lights are a suggestion, red lights are a slightly stronger suggestion. It's ok to drive in the on-coming lane if you're going around another vehicle and can get back into your own lane before the on-coming cars hit you. There isn't a taxi driver in Seoul who knows where Holt or the Somerset Hotel is, even though they all have the latest GPS systems. It's also ok to park on the sidewalk if you can squeeze in and won't be staying longer than a couple of hours.

I'm sure I'll be posting more after I get home and remember more interesting things about the trip. The cultural differences are even clearer to me now, and I can see how important it is for our families and adoptees to understand that. Americans are the impertinent teenagers, from a very young country created by many, many cultures. Korea, Thailand, Philippines, China, all of these countries are the older generations, with rich histories and long established cultures that should be honored as they honor their elderly. Regardless of how modern they become, their culture will always be unique to themselves, and should be respected, not ridiculed. That's what we need to convey to our families and adoptees in a gentle but persistent way, so that they can also respect the birth parents' culture and understand the birth parents' actions.

Okay, I gotta go pack and sleep. I have so enjoyed this trip, and am so grateful for the opportunity that I've been given. And I can't wait to continue sharing it with all my family and friends. See you soon!