Christmas lights - a love/hate relationship

I love Christmas lights, especially the small colored lights, or the pretty bright white stars.  I even like some styles of icicle lights, when hung tastefully.  I decided not to have a Christmas tree this year since my son and I will be out of town visiting family, but I still wanted the lights.  So I braved the chilly weather and dark night to trek to the shop and dig through the huge plastic totes of decorations to find two strands of lights.

Remembering mistakes of the not so distant past I was careful to quickly check both strands to make sure they worked.  My plan was to double one strand and run it across the white mantle.  Using clear packing tape I put the strand on the top edge.  The strand turned out to be much longer than I realized so I ran it along the window sill on my big living room wndow, again doubled.  As I taped it to the sill was careful to ensure that none of the sticky side of the tape was accidentally exposed.  I have 3 cats and only one window sill in the entire house so its common to find at least one sitting on the sill at any given time.  I knew that at some point I'd come home to find tape stuck to someone's butt and Christmas lights strewn all over the house.

After carefully taping all of the lights I gleefully plugged them in.  Only half the strand was lit.  Crap.  I checked the other strand again and confirmed they all worked.  So I began pulling off the tape and coiling up the non-functioning lights.  After removing half the lights they suddenly turned back on.  Crap - again.  I checked for loose bulbs or a loose connection but the lights stayed on.  The aforementioned cats were of course "helping" me during this entire process.

Success!  The lights are up, they're all lit, and only one cat is walking around with tape stuck to his butt.  Apparently someone wanted to play with the wad of tape I'd thrown into the trash from the first go-around with the lights.  No one admitted to raiding the trash and the cat with the tape only knocked a few things over running in circles to catch the tape.  I rescued him.

So you're probably wondering why I believe that Christmas lights will ruin more homes and marriages than any other cause, in the U.S.  Think about it.  Every Christmas for 22 years I watched my dad put up the tree, string the lights, then discover they wouldn't work.  He'd spend an hour or more just trying to get them to work.  My mom would watch, while I danced around so excited to put the first ornaments up.  

I spent the next 25 years arguing with my husband over the merits of trying out the lights first, then his desire to spend hours trying to fix the strand.  Many years we'd go buy another set because I refused to wait days for the lights.  The Christmas after the divorce I found a box with more than 10 strands of broken lights, packets of replacement bulbs of many different styles, and the light bulb testers he bought every couple of years.  I donated the entire box to charity.  Now that I think about it, that probably wasn't a very charitable thing to do; right now there is a family somewhere in this city with a couple arguing over the merits of repairing a strand of lights.

All over the country couples are fighting over lights.  Save yourself, and your relationship.  Throw out those damn lights and buy a new box.  

Happy holidays!

The Best and the Worst?

I've been home for a week now... I think.  Apparently Jack hasn't forgiven me completely yet - I'm still finding all of the bathroom tissue on the floor.  I've been back at work for a couple of days, and other than the usual "How was your trip?" greeting, everyone is asking what the best thing was about the trip to Korea.

Unfortunately, I have no answer for them!  There were so many things that were awesome.  I think the top 3 on a personal level were the people, the food, and the history.  Eun Hee, Esther, and Sul Hee were so nice, and so tolerant of this fat ol' lady who walked so slow.  They were also a lot of fun!  It's strange for me to have people I consider fairly close friends who live so far away, whom I know I won't see in person for what could be years.  Their friendship is something I will never take for granted.

The food, as I may have mentioned once or twice, was incredible.  I've spent every night since I got back searching for recipes that I can make myself that might taste a little bit like what I ate there.  I've been to the local Asian market & deli, but so much of it either isn't in English, or isn't a brand/packaging that I recognize.  It's going to take a lot of research to find the correct ingredients.  The most convenient thing of course is to simply buy the prepared and canned side dishes, sauces, and pickles - but to find the right items I'll probably have to buy and taste one of everything in the store!  Maybe I can figure out how to get a Korean care package sent to me?  LOL!

The history - I saw items in the National Museum that were literally over a thousand years old.  That's something that is very hard to grasp for an American.  My country is only a couple hundred years old.  The Korean culture, like the items in the museum, is thousands of years old.  Traditions are still very much a part of the modern, Western-like Republic of Korea.  While having dinner with my friend and her family, I noticed her husband turned away from when taking a drink.  I remembered that this is a sign of respect shown to an elder or honored guest or boss.  My first thought was "how nice", quickly followed by "crap - I'm an elder!".  Understanding the culture requires understanding the history, even if it is only a passing acquaintance, as it is for me.

Inevitably someone asks what I liked the least about the trip.  The obvious of course it the actual travel to and from.  I refuse to consider myself old, but staying up for 28 hours straight is not an easy thing!  What did I dislike about Korea?  They drink out of fricking Dixie cups!  I don't know how they do it, it's like being in a country of (beautiful) camels!  I was constantly thirsty.  I stocked up at the mini-market around the corner every night, and still ended up with a bit of gout on the way home.  Gout?  I thought that died out in the 1950's.  It's almost gone, but it made for a very painful flight home.  Next time, no shyness for me - I'm carrying a bottle of water everywhere I go!

Honestly, I thought my biggest dislike would be the walking, but as my friend also mentioned, I liked it.  Now that I'm home I resent having to drive all over town to do my shopping.  I want a corner market where I can grab a few things on the way home.  I really didn't mind the walking, most of the time.  The uneven ground and steep hills were a problem because I'm still recuperating from my injury, and even though my arm got very sore from the cane, I felt good.  Now that I'm home, eating my usual food and driving to the store, I feel fat and "bleh" again.

My current mission is to find a local butcher where I can buy decent meat in smaller quantities.  My kingdom for Korean bacon!!!

My Final Note From the Future

It's nearly midnight on Monday, my last night in Korea.  Oh, how I shall miss her!  I plan to blog more after my return, but for now I'd like to do a short summary of my stay in Seoul.  Well, as short as I normally am.

I'm going to miss the good friends I have here, including 2 new friends that I hope to stay in touch with.  It's been such a joy to get to know Esther better, and to spend time with both her and Eun Hee away from the office, just to talk and laugh, and discover many things we have in common.  Sul Hee, who has a last name that I can't pronounce correctly so I won't even try, I met through work.  She's such a sweet, fun, amazing young lady, and I feel so blessed to have gotten to know her.  My other new friend is Kim Tae Sook, the volunteer who spent the day with me in Daegu.  She's an English teacher and such a nice person, also a lot of fun.  I hope we'll also be able to stay in touch.

As I'm sure you already know, I'm going to miss the food.  I already have a shopping list for my local Asian store, and for my trip to Portland's bigger store in June.  I had mandoo with Esther this evening, tried a little street food, then finished with 2 kinds of patbingsu, the dessert I mentioned.  As much as we wandered around she didn't find the fried silk worms she was looking for - thank goodness.  LOL

I will not miss the bathrooms!  Even the restroom at the mall today attacked me as I was going out the door.  The door closed very fast, catching my leg and twisting my knee a little.  I'm telling you, I don't know what I did to piss them off, but all of the bathrooms in Korea hate me!

The other thing I won't miss is the water shortage.  No, there isn't a drought or anything like that.  Every restaurant, cafe, and tea house in Korea serves water in 5 ounce Dixie cups!  Sometimes the cups are metal, sometimes plastic or glass, but ALWAYS tiny.  Microscopic.  Seriously small.  While I believe that the U.S.'s trend to "super size" everything is totally out of control, I'd have killed - figuratively - for a Big Gulp!  Come on, people, your beautiful country is surrounded by water, would it kill you to serve it in bigger glasses?

What I liked most about work related activities was to spend an afternoon with Dr. Cho, visit sites from Holt's history of work in Korea, and to learn more about the changes in Korean law and how it's being applied.  I have so many things to discuss with my team when I return, so many things that I want to implement and/or improve upon.  I've spent most evenings making notes of our discussions, and will continue to as I remember them in the coming weeks.

I've seen so many things this trip, things that I want to show my son and my sister, if I can talk them into coming back with me one day.  I can't wait to return to see the other 4 great palaces, to travel to Jeju Island, to see Seoul from the top of Namsan Tower, and to find awesome new things to eat.  If I start saving now, maybe I can return in 2 years?  I'm certainly going to try.  If work wants to send me to one of our other countries, I know I'll get just as much out of meeting with our partners there as I have on my visits to Korea.  But I plan to come back just for fun, and to see my friends.

Well, it's late here, and I have to check out tomorrow and make my way to the airport on my own.  And I might have one last pastry for the road...for the plane.  Whatever.  Talk to you all soon!

Please, no more!

Food, that is.  I don't think I've eaten this much in ages, other than a few depression inspired junk food binges.  My friend's son asked me what my favorite Korean food is.  In fact, all my friends keep asking me what I want to eat.  I don't know - I'm open to trying it all!  Well, as long as it's cooked and doesn't have tentacles or used to slither.

Other than the kimchi, which is not only too hot for me, cabbage doesn't go down well and most kimchi here is made with a shrimp brine.  I'm allergic to shellfish so I just pass on the kimchi.  I had a fish ball in sauce on one of the tours and it nearly came back up, so I think it may have had shellfish mixed in or was cooked in the shrimp based liquids they often use.

What I remember best about my previous trip here was 삼겹살, or pork BBQ, cooked on a super hot grill in the middle of your table.  The slightly better restaurants use a quality pork steak, and the neighborhood food spots use a very thick Korean bacon that is out of this world.  All meals are served with side dishes that you can eat separately or with your meat, soup, or whatever your main dish is.  Every restaurant has their own side dishes, and serve a small bowl of clear soup near the end of the meal.  Koreans are very big on pickled veggies, especially cucumbers and radish.  I hate radishes,  but they use the huge white variety and put it in so many things, and I love it.

My next favorite may be chimtak.  I haven't found it in Hangul yet so my English spelling may be a bit off.  It's chicken and veggies in a huge bowl of savory soy sauce gravy kind of liquid - but 100 times better than it sounds.  Melt in your mouth goodness.

Then there is patbingsu, which is shaved ice with condensed milk topped with sweet red been puree.  Tastes MUCH better than even I thought it would, and I like weird textures and foods.  Can't wait to find a recipe for home.

I've also discovered the joys of the Korean pastry shop next to the hotel.  It has a French name, but the pastries aren't as sweet as home, and more of a flaky pastry than a typical fried donut.  In fact, most of the sweets here aren't as sweet, so they aren't upsetting my stomach or system.  Today's new food was a type of 'bubble tea'; matcha red bean smoothie with jelly.  The jelly is actually little balls of a gelatinous, tapioca type substance.  They come in every flavor and style imaginable.

Rice cakes here are not what we think of in the U.S.  The typical rice cake at home tastes like, well, like styrofoam.  Rice cakes here come in every size, shape, color, and filling.  Many are soft with a texture like raw bread dough, but with flavor.  Some are crunchy and similar to the styrofoam from home, but again - with flavor.  Apparently I'm an odd Westerner because I like rice cakes, like the texture, and love patbingsu, complete with red bean topping.

The chicken ginseng soup was tasty, and I don't normally like boiled chicken or anything ginseng flavored, but this was good.  Fresh ingredients make a huge difference.  I had a beef rib soup one night at a slightly westernized place across the street.  I also had bulgogi in a hot pot, which is tender beef slices in a flavorful soup with veggies.  I actually had it in 2 different places that were both excellent.

I do have to admit that the one thing I've stuck to from home is Starbucks.  There's one on the way to the office, as well as all over the city, and nothing compares to the caramel frappuccino from home.  With it I can prepare for the day and be epicuriously adventurous!

I can certainly understand why many Westerners don't do well with the food in Korea, especially if they don't like textures they aren't used to.  While I don't do well with any food that is still alive, slithers, or has tentacles, I can handle most everything else.  

Koreans also share their food with each other, reaching across their table mates to grab something, taking bits of side dishes or soup from any bowl on the table.  Table manners like this would have gotten me slapped at home, but here it's perfectly acceptable.  Everyone shares, no one goes hungry, and you can have all the refills of the side dishes that you want.  I wouldn't want to be the dishwasher at a restaurant that serves 10 side dishes in separate bowls, with 2-3 sets per table!

So if you come to Korea, don't be afraid to try the food, you will be pleasantly surprised!  I'm definitely going to miss it when I get home.

Woman versus Commode

The last time I was in Korea I believe I focused on Korean drivers.  This trip my focus seems to be devoted to the commode...  Not that I'm obsessed with toilets, mind you, but they seem to have it out for me this week.  Toilets of every size and shape, and they all hate me.

The toilet in my hotel room is a combo toilet/bidet, which I've discovered is quite popular here now.  My first night I decided to indulge and try it out.  After pushing one button and experiencing the refreshing spray I sat waiting for it to end.  And waited.  And waited.  So I pushed another button - big mistake.  The seat started to get hot, so I pushed another button.  Now the water was getting hot, very hot.  So I started pushing a lot of buttons.  I tried everything; I bailed off the seat, closed the lid, pushed more buttons, threw towels down on the floor, and started to swear.  Obviously I was able to shut it off, but not without a bit of dampness and a slightly sore bum.

Most of the stalls are ridiculously small, requiring one to straddle the toilet to open and close the door.  The controls of each toilet is different, from push buttons to levers, to dual control twist-push contraptions.  Some of them sit for a moment before flushing, while others suck down so hard I fear for my wellbeing.

Today I was waiting for the tour bus and needed the restroom in the very fancy hotel lounge where we congregated.  The ridiculously small stall again had a toilet/bidet combo but with English buttons.  Halleleuah!  It didn't work.  Figures.  Apparently I was in the stall too long while messing with the controls because the little shriveled lady attendant nearly pulled me out of the stall to clean it.  Knowing the bus ride would be very long, I dashed into the restroom right before departure, choosing a different stall.  Hey, this one worked!  I'm sure I left the stall looking like a woman possessed - the temperature for both seat and water were set at boiling.  I don't think I like these combo toilets so well.

During the tour we stopped at a gift shop and were told to use the restrooms as the drive back to Seoul would be non-stop.  Thinking I'd outsmart the stall situation I headed for the handicapped facility, which was nice and big with a relatively normal toilet and hand rails.  Too bad I didn't check out the handrail better before I sat down and began my business.  As I tend to do, I grabbed the rail at the important moment and leaned to one side.  Sheer panic at the thought of riding back to Seoul wet and smelling like...well, you get the point.

I've been here a week and although I do miss my son and my cats, I think at this moment I may miss my toilet most of all.

I Know I'm in Korea Because...

I've been in cars and vans that have driven around a line of traffic via the shoulder of the road, driven over the orange plastic dividers you see along the highway, and driven the wrong way on a one way alley as a "short cut".

Only some of the restaurants deliver, but all of the McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, and Pizza Hut deliver.

I can watch a British movie dubbed in Japanese with Korean subtitltes.

The elevators will announce your floor then immediately say "going down", which actually means "get your ass out of the way the doors are closing NOW".

You can see women at the mall or on the beach in 4" heels, wearing a micro mini skirt with a turtleneck blouse in 40 degree weather.

The train attendant, taxi driver, garbage man, fast food cook, and the greeter at the Home Plus are all neat, tidy, clean, and every hair is in place; exactly like the businessmen in $400 suits and gold watches.

I've seen aat least 20 different toilet styles, sizes, and controls.  And had some serious arguments with a few of them, including my hotel toilet.  I won, eventually, and put it in it's place!

The chopsticks are flat, not round.  As evidenced by all of my shirts.  One pair of jeans.  And several restaurant floors.

More to come.....

Incredible Food, Great Friends

Yes, the food is as good as I remember.  Last evening, after I dozed off watching TV, my friend Esther called and asked me out to dinner.  She showed me 2 good places to eat, being a Westerner, one specializes in beef and the other chicken stew-like dishes.  One is only 2 buildings down from the hotel, the other is across the street and 2 buildings down.  We had the beef rib soup, which was very good.  She showed me a few other "safe" dishes to try.  I had a wonderful time talking and laughing with her.

Today I spent a couple of hours talking with Eun Hee (now Director Seol) and reviewed 3 files typical to 3 different decades.  Time very well spent, learning a lot for my job and changes we need to make to improve our services.  Then the whole department took me out to lunch at an Italian restaurant in the mall nearby.  Actually, according to Esther, they love pizza but it's expensive in Korea, so they are very happy to take guests out for pizza.  It was very different from what I'm used to, but not bad.  I've noticed the tomato juice and pizza sauce are thinner and bit more "red".  Not sure how to explain it, it could be that they are less processed than your typical V-8.

In the afternoon we visited an orphanage here in Seoul which has been open for a very long time.  I thought I was just to see the outside, take pictures, wander around it.  Instead, Molly Holt came with Esther, Seol Hee, and I to the orphanage where we met with the current director, and the past director.  He told stories and talked about the orphanage's history; he'd been director since 1962.  The building was completely rebuilt, from the ground up, just a few years ago.  I took a few pictures of the outside, then several with Molly and the director.  They were old friends, he called her his older sister because she's a month older than he is - 78.  I wish I had half his energy now!

We didn't have time to see the old baby hospital, so they dropped me at the hotel asking if I wanted to have dinner with Esther and Seol Hee.  They went back to work while I wrote up my notes.  I met them downstairs after they got off work and we walked to a very close restaurant.  I wish I could remember the name of the chicken dish because it was amazing!  It came in a big dish with a variety of side dishes.  It was rich, full of potatoes, carrots, and delicious onions; and a lot of chicken.  Koreans like their meat, so I'm very happy.  It's Seol Hee's favorite dish.

After dinner they took me to a park on the other side of the river where we walked around under the blooming cherry trees.  Seol Hee loves my camera and had a blast taking night photos.  They are also big on taking photos of each other, which you all know I hate having my picture taken.  But they were so much fun that I couldn't help but join it.  It was a lovely evening.  We headed back to the hotel where they showed me the nearest convenience store and taught me how to ask for a receipt.  Taxi's and some stores don't always give it to you automatically.

I was so touched by their concern and friendship.  I'm still worried that I'm imposing, I know they all work very hard, but really appreciated their help.  Eun Hee wants to take me to the national museum on Sunday with her son, who is now almost 8 (American age) and growing so fast!  It'll be nice to hang out with her and her son.  Apparently he's learning English in school but doesn't think he speaks it very well.

I found out tonight that Dr. Cho, who was Holt's pediatrician for decades and is now retired and living at Ilsan, wants to take me to see the baby home personally.  Dr. Cho is 82, sharp as a tack, has far more energy than I, and remembers nearly every child she ever cared for through Holt.  She's amazing, I am honored beyond words for this opportunity.  She remembers everything about the work at the baby home.  The building is now a children's library, but the photos I'll get and the history she'll relay will be invaluable.  If I'm still on my feet after that, I hope to take the night bus tour of Seoul and it's historic bridges.

I have a feeling that taking extra days off after my return home was probably a very smart move!

Recap of my first 48 hours in Korea

So I've already mentioned my flight and hotel room.  The huge jacuzzi tub takes forever to fill, but it was lovely.  I fell asleep for a few minutes.  Then I fell asleep watching TV so finally went to bed and slept for about 9 hours.

On Sunday I did a test walk to the main Holt office.  No problems, takes about 20 mins.  Then I got lost trying to find the PAS building and walked for over an hour.  Found the mall, went to eat at McDonalds but thought better and went to find something else.  Found a Korean hot dog place, turns out it was a chain from Denmark, and the "Original French Hotdog" I ordered is a cross between a bun and a hard baguette, skinny weiner, catsup, mayo, iceberg lettuce, and 1 slice of sweet pickle.  Bleh.

Walked back to the hotel.  Chilled for a bit, then walked to the subway.  No problems with the ticket, I was staring at the right sign, it went just fine.  Unfortunately when I got off I discovered I'd gone the opposite direction and was at the wrong terminal.  Wandered around there for awhile, finally admitted I was overwhelmed and lost, hailed a taxi back to hotel.  Got to the hotel but decided I needed food, so I went to the Family Mart 2 blocks away.  And got lost again.  Ended up walking clear back down to the mall where I had a burger and lemonade, then bought a supply of juice and lugged it back up the hill to the hotel.  I walked for about 5 hours yesterday.  Slowly.  I'm dying.

Walked to Starbucks this morning on the way to the office, and actually got there early.  My meetings were cut short by a surprise audit by the govt, so I was done by 2pm today (Monday).  I took a cab back to the hotel.  I'll either order delivery (KFC) or call Esther, my counterpart, and meet her for dinner.  Traveling by myself to Korea isn't as easy as I'd hoped.  No matter how open I am to trying new things, I still can't read the signs or the menu.  A couple of my friends were just here, and the staff they work with took them out at night.  I think I'm too old, the staff I work with assume I need to rest more.  LOL  It's probably more like me not wanting to impose on them, I know how hard they work and this audit will put them behind.  No worries, I'm still having a great experience!

And that was my first 48 hours in Korea!  Tours won't come for awhile yet, have to get the work stuff done first.  Tomorrow afternoon I go to the old baby hospital site and Sungrowon orphanage with Esther and this adorable little Belgian adoptee who speaks like 4-5 languages and loves cats.  Very exciting.

Yep, some things never change

Arrived in Korea an hour late but safe and sound.  As of right now I've been awake for 25 hours.  I dozed lightly for about a half hour on the plane.  I spen the rest of the flight watchng the movies and trying to read.  I was so tired I couldn't even concentrate on reading.  I did get to see Saving Mr. Banks, which was a great movie.  I cried.  It was a Disney movie about Disney.  Of coure I cried.

What hasn't changed in 5 years?  The lines on the road are still just suggestions.  If you want to get there first, just drive on the shoulder or the wide parts of the meridian.  But always drive with one hand on the wheel and the other on the horn.  I'm not sure why since it seems no one really cares.

It's now 7:30 Seoul time.  I've had one fight with the toilet/bidet combo already, I'm a little afraid to try the bathtub with jets.  But it's huge and I'm so looking forward to it.  Pictures don't seem to be posting well to the blog through the ipad, but I'll be posting several on FB.  My new camera will upload them directly with a wi-fi connection.  Too cool.

Tomorrow I brave the big city by myself.  The Holt office is about a 15 minute walk from the hotel, so I'll plan on 30+ for me.  If I don't get lost getting there and back, I may try a subway.  Need to find the nearest coffee and cheap food places too.  I hear there is a mall on the way to the office.  My friend described it as Target on crack.  This I HAVE to see!

I hate San Francisco

Well, I actually like the city a lot. I hate the airport.  Well, it's a nice airport, I hate the weather.  My flight arrived 5 minutes early to sunny skies and a gorgeous morning. An hour later the fog was so thick I couldn't see the hills. Half an hour after that and the fog is gone but there are these pretty white clouds in a layer over the airport with blue above them.  My flight leaves in an hour.  I may count how many weather changes there are between now and lift off.

SFO, before the hour long delay.

The 5 Stages of...

Travel.

1. Denial - "I'm not getting my hopes up, the company will cancel the trip.  I don't want to be disappointed, so I'm denying it will happen until it happens."

2. Fear - "OMG! They're making me go alone!  I can't do this alone!  I'm going to miss the flight, I'm going to get stuck in the airport when I can't find the driver, I won't know how to get my money changed and I'm going to starve!"

3. Overwhelmed - "There are so many things to see, I don't know how to choose.  There are hundreds of palaces, museums, parks.  I can't walk far, I won't be able to take a subway.  I don't know how to take a subway.  I don't know how to hail a taxi.  I don't know what to see first.  I'm feeling so overwhelmed."

4. Obsession - "I have a minute by minute itinerary.  My iPad is loaded with street maps, subway maps, translation programs, my case list, my question list, hotel address, and most importantly - the nearest Starbuck's locations.  I made lists for my co-workers, set my auto-response, listed out exactly what I'm going to wear on each day, wrapped the gifts, made the packing list, and mixed up extra cat food.  Anxious you say?  Nah."

5. Excitement - "OMG I leave in 34 hours!  I AM SOOOOOOO EXCITED!  I can't wait."

Thus, the 5 stages of travel.  Been there yourself?

Gearing up, headin' out....

2 days, 8 hours, 11 minutes, 34 seconds.....

Yep, I'm leaving for Korea.  Alone.  For 11 days.  Minus travel time; although I do get back to Eugene 3 minutes before I leave Seoul.  Does that make it 10 days, 11 days, or 12 days?  Does it really matter?  NO!

This time I was able to set my own schedule, arrange my itinerary with Holt Korea myself so that everything applies to my position and duties.  Last time I was tagging along with the new adoptions folks from the office.  I still learned a lot, and had the opportunity to visit a foster family, a home for unwed mothers, and view a well-baby clinic with some awesomely cute babies waiting for families.  But this time the trip will be geared towards the adult adoptees and their families I serve.

I also made a point to plan a couple of tours through Holt Korea and on my own, and map out several locations that I want to visit.  I was so overwhelmed last time that when left on my own I was nearly paralyzed.  Friday I leave with an iPad loaded with subway maps, directions to each tour start location, general maps of Seoul, and an itinerary. 

I'm armed with the knowledge that if I get lost in Seoul I can always hail a taxi and have them take me back to my hotel.  I know that the locals will humor the short, fat, white American woman butchering their wonderful language, and will point me in the right direction.  I'm also armed with a collapsible cane which I fully intend to use to my benefit in airports or malls, as needed.

Lookout world, here I come... in 2 days, 7 hours, 53 minutes, 45 seconds....  not that I'm counting.

Wise Words?

I've been meaning to start blogging again, especially after my accident.  I still plan to do a post summarizing life on crutches, just not tonight.  I have Christmas gifts to finish.  Ok, I have gifts to start and then finish.

Following are things I've said that I never thought I'd be saying, and whom to.  Please remember that the principal players are my son Nathan, and my cats Jack, Tripper, and Indiana.

• Jack, please don't eat the napkin.
• Jack, don't eat the paper towels.
• Ok, who knocked all of the pens off the table and hid them under the stove?
• Indiana, please don't lick the light bulb.
• Tripper, why did you shut off the bathroom light?  While I'm sitting on the toilet.  Now in the dark.
• Indiana, you're going to fall on your head.
• Jack, stop stealing the straws from my glass.
• Nathan, why did you draw on the wood floor in your bedroom?
• Tripper, dammit, now I know why you were named Tripper!  Stop running between my legs!
• Indiana, please don't lick the blanket.
• Tripper, please stop drooling on my suede shoe.
  
• Jack, you cannot sleep on my face, I don't care how loving you are.
• Nathan, please don't wear my boot socks.  Yes, I know they were in your drawer - that's because you sorted the laundry!
• Jack, please stop licking my hair.  I already showered.
• Tripper, get out of the sink.
• Indiana, stop sharpening your claws on my pants - while I'm wearing them!
• Nathan, why did you draw on your bedroom wall?  Oh, because I said don't draw on the floor.  Makes sense.
• Jack, please stop eating the tissue.

A Review of Me... Again.

Don't ask me why, but I decided to blog this afternoon, and realized that I haven't posted in almost a year, and posted very few last year.  It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.  Probably because I do love to write, and although I write all day long at work, it isn't about me.  It has some of "me" in it, in my passion for my job, my humor, my empathy.  In a blog I can write about me, what I'm thinking, what I like, and what I don't.  Although it sounds very self-centered, it's really just about expression.

Who am I, you ask?  If you read past entries you'll find a variety of answers to that question.  Like everyone, it depends on where I am in my life.  Not when, as time is relative, but where in the on-going process of living my life.  This blog has seen me through a trip to Korea, a major surgery, a separation and divorce, several failed "romances", work stress, personal stress, the loss of loved ones, the joys of watching my son grow into a man.

Today I find myself thinking a lot about how others perceive me, how I perceive myself, and why there is a difference.  Yes, more introspection.  Deal with it.  LOL  Someone recently said I was very reserved.  I don't see myself as reserved, but I do see myself as cautious.  Emotionally cautious, until I get to know someone.  I find it hard to trust, but once I do, I trust them implicitly, and will leave myself open in every way.

Yes, I do present myself as a white bread, middle-class, middle age, middle of the road, insecure housewife and mother.  In many ways I am all of those things, for a variety of reasons.  But if all you're going to see it what's on the outside, you're missing so much.  I'm artistic, funny, smart, creative, moody, passionate, slightly OCD, ironic, adventurous, and much more. 

Some people are very good at putting themselves "out there", what you see is what you get.  I had it beaten into my head for years that no one wanted to see what/who I am, so hiding it became a way of life.  No, I don't think that's sad.  My past has made me who I am.  And who I am is someone who never takes life, love, friendship, family, creativity, laughter, stability, and joy for granted.  Ever.

Ok, I will concede that I am reserved - in public.  In private, I think I'm very different.  I have learned to tailor how I present myself to the situation, the company I'm with, the subject of discussion.  I appear reserved when I'm nervous.  I appear reserved when confronted with a new situation, a new environment, when I'm off-balance or insecure.  The key word in all of this is "appear".

So, if you aren't willing to look past appearances, you're going to miss out on so much.  I'm pretty damn amazing - insecurities, OCD, artistic temperament, sense of humor, and occasionally ridiculous cat pampering aside.

Romance - then and now...

Romance. A simple word with an infinite number of definitions. What is romance? Is it an action, a feeling, or an event? Is it the same thing to everyone? Does everyone find the same things romantic?

I've given the subject of romance quite a bit of thought since entering the dating world 2 years ago. I've realized a few things during this time. I don't expect, or even want, the fairy tale version of romance. In my youth, big boquets of flowers, candy with a bow, and an expensive dinner were the epitome of romance. The knight in shining armor who sweeps me off my feet, defends me from the bad guys, tells me I'm the most stunning woman he's ever met, then carries me to his bed... that was romance. Not.

Romance is... a single flower left on my desk or on my pillow, nothing expensive, even a daisy or home grown rose. Having the car door opened when we're going out. An unexpected hug from behind, with a kiss on the neck and a few whispered words. A sweet text on my phone for no reason. A surprise dinner out to our favorite local Chinese dive or neighborhood BBQ. A nice little card for absolutely no reason. A Hershey kiss or my favorite hard candy - "just cuz".

And the ultimate romance is making love in a softly lit room (candles optional), sweet, and slow, and long. Now THAT, my friends, is romance.

Do I still want the knight in shining armor? No, my knight can be wearing jeans and a hickory shirt for all I care, but he will keep me safe from bad guys. Will he take me to expensive restaurants? I hope not, I'd be too nervous to enjoy it. Will he bring me a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. No, the cats would knock over the flowers and I don't need the candy. Will he be devastatingly handsome? He will be to me, and I'll be beautiful to him. Will we make long, slow love? Damn straight!

Customer Service - a lost art?

Tonight, my dear friends, brings to a close a 5 day trial on my admittedly limited patience.  Five days ago I decided to upgrade our satellite package slightly, still within our budget, but a better package deal with some channels we've really missed.  An hour after I upgraded the trouble started.  I suddenly had half of the channels I'd had before, and none of the new channels.  After an hour on line with a live technician and another half hour on the phone, I was informed that my current receiver was "toast" and needed to be replaced for $75.  I argued this, citing a 15 year history with the company, and the cost was promptly waived.  Unfortunately, we had no service until the new receiver arrived.

Today I found that UPS had tucked the receiver behind a garden hose yesterday, so I retrieved the box and excitedly installed our pretty new, steam lined receiver.  All by myself.  Not an easy task when dealing with a component that also connects to a stereo receiver, DVD, and TV.  I then attempted to activate it and was given an error message that I needed to contact customer service.  I again got on the internet chat for the company, after waiting in line for over 20 minutes, and was told that my new receiver was now activated.  The tech then tried to end the session.  I objected saying that the onscreen guide still didn't show the proper channels.  We then argued about my upgraded package, the cost, and the timing of the loss of channels.  After 20 minutes of this I was abruptly transferred to another "senior" technician, and we started all over again.

This session went downhill even more rapidly than the previous conversation.  The final outcome was being told that I had to pay $95 for a technician to come to the house in 3 days, at an undetermined time so I would have to take off work, because the problem had to be my dish or cables.  When I asked how they explained that everything worked fine until an hour after upgrading the tech responded with, and I quote, "Coincidence".  I then firmly told the tech that I apologized to him/her personally, but that I was totally fed up and would be cancelling my service.  Obviously gone were the days when the company would send a tech on a weekend at no charge because the cause of the problem wasn't due to something we had done or by an act of nature.  I've been a faithful customer and staunch supporter of the company, but that was now over.  The tech's response, you ask?  "Ok."  Seriously.

I spent another couple of hours surfing the net checking on other TV options, streaming to computer, upgrading Netflix, etc.  When my roommate came home we discussed it further, and agreed that cancelling was the best option, and that between us we had enough other methods to find entertainment and current events.  So I called... (deep sigh).  After discussing my recent events with the live person on the phone, he was offering to upgrade my equipment, waive all repair fees, give me the package I really wanted at a discount for a year, then at normal price for a year, and send the repairman on a Saturday, also at no cost.  The hitch was that I had to agree to a 2 year contract.  I was teetering on the edge when my roommate stepped into the room and gave me "that look".  I cancelled the service.  The rep was nice enough to say that there would be no charges, and that if I call again in 24 hours I would receive a refund for the past 5 days of no service.  Basically, I should get a refund of about $1.50 in 60-90 days.

And just so you know, I was extremely nice to the live person who tried to keep me as a customer.  I even told him that I'd been a bit rude to the tech earlier, for which I felt bad, but I'm sorely disappointed with the company.  I think if I'd pushed it I could have gotten free service for a year the way he was scrambling to keep me, but I didn't feel right about that.  Mostly.

I'm exhausted, wasted 7 hours of my weekend, and ate too much ice cream a little while ago.  Now I'm having a nice Kahlua and milk (low fat, low carb - I'm not going totally off the deep end), watching Fraggle Rock, tormenting the cats, and laughing with my roommate.

The moral of the story, boys and girls?  If it works just the way it is - for heaven's sake don't upgrade it, don't replace it, and don't call customer service!

Mother versus Son

Mom:  Please stop wearing my socks.
Son:  They were in my drawer.
Mom:  Because you sort the clean laundry!

Mom: (texts) It's 1:15am, you're late.
Mom: (texts) It's 1:25am, if you're not home in 5 minutes you're grounded.
Mom: (texts) It's 1:35am, now I'm getting scared.  Where are you?
Mom: (calls) It's 2:00am, where are you?
Son: In bed.
Mom: What time did you come in?
Son: Just before 1am, you were in bed so I didn't say 'hi'.
Mom: Oh.  Nevermind.  Sleep well, I love you.

Son: Mom, how do you tell a girl you're not interested but want to be friends?
Mom: You tell her you're glad you're friends.  Be straight with her but kind.  Treat her like you would any good friend and answer questions honestly with concern for her feelings and you'll be fine.
Son: And she won't be upset?
Mom: Nope, not a chance in hell.  She's be heartbroken and you'll feel like crap.
Son: Gee, thanks Mom.

Insecurities and other demons...

Oh, yes, I am definitely a "theatre person".  This came to my attention again this evening when I realized that I am just as insecure as so many performers I know.  Obviously, insecurity knows no bounds – or job description.  No, I'm not a performer, I run the lights.  Doesn't sound like much, but I try to do it well, to always do my best, to be as perfect as possible.  Most people never notice the lights, unless they're bad.  The lights should add to the show, not distract from it.  I try to make the lighting as artistic and effective as possible, so that the audience doesn't notice the lights have changed, but they feel the difference.  It's important to me.  So when I go to the last rehearsal before the show opens and am told "You're just not getting it", it's upsetting.

I then spent the next 2 hours questioning every single lighting change – all 186 of them.  By the end I'm a wreck, and finish up the evening with a "knockdown drag-out" fight with the director.  He says I'm not listening to him, I say he's not listening to me.  I haven't received one single note (that's a correction, for you non-theatre folk) since I started this show, which was beginning to make me very nervous.  It's very difficult to know what someone else is thinking, what changes need to be made, what it is they actually want – when they don't tell you.  For myself, I probably should have asked, but I assumed if there was a problem I'd be told.

Needless to say, the evening did not end well.  I snapped, he snapped, I got snotty, he got snotty – basically, we became a pair of 6 year olds throwing temper tantrums.  Not my finest moment by any means.  Now, having been home for a couple of hours, I find I'm obsessing about it.  Not just the falling out with someone who is extremely important to me, but the incredible insecurities of possibly not doing my job well, of making a mistake.  He and I have had falling outs before, and probably will again, but we're still family.  And as much as I'd like to blame this entire incident on him, I can't.

Insecurity, anxiety, and a complete lack of self-confidence.  A triple threat to my own sense of well-being, to my own emotional sanity, so to speak.  So, what to do about it?  I've examined it, I've tried to deny it, I've tried to accept it, I've even tried to eat my way through it – but that's an entirely different set of insecurities that I won't go into now.  So, what do I do?  I remind myself that I am good at what I do.  I remind myself that making a mistake isn't the end of the world.  I remind myself that I have lots of friends and family who love me, in spite of my faults.  And finally, I remind myself that it's past my bedtime, and worrying about what happened isn't going to change it.  If it isn't what he wants, it's not my fault, and not my problem if I don't get any guidance.  My focus needs to be on taking care of myself, and doing the very best job I possibly can for the cast and the audience.  So, off I go to bed, insecurities, anxieties, and cats, all in one bed.

Do Miracles Really Happen?

I've always believed in miracles.  Not the larger than life miracles, but the miracles of everyday life.  Babies, snowflakes, the smell of grass after a spring rain, the love of someone special, a best friend.  Those are all miracles.

Some of you may think this is blasphemous, for which I apologize, but I think another miracle may have happened today.  I'm afraid to hope, but I seem to be hoping anyway.  I think the ex may have actually fixed this latest screw up of his, and removed me from the loan.  I haven't heard from him, but the bank called me to sign some papers that will transfer the entire loan to him, and I'm out of it altogether.  I have no idea what happened, and may never know, which I can live with.  It's just such a relief that this may be over.

I'm afraid to hope, afraid to tell Nathan only to have both of our hopes dashed yet again.  I will tell him, because my wonderful son asked me to promise that I would hold nothing back.  I wanted to protect him, to make sure that he still loved his dad, and could respect his dad, for his sake, not for his dad's.  My handsome, mature young man said that he wanted to know everything or he couldn't help me to work through all of this.  He is truly my biggest miracle.

I can't thank my family and friends enough for their thoughts and prayers.  It worked.  Although the stress of this has affected my mental and physical health (I'm getting sick!), my heart is overflowing with love for everyone around me.  I don't have the right words to express what I feel.

So... although I'm afraid to hope that this latest disaster of his may be over, I'm definitely not as worried as I was.  Things are tight for us, but we'll make it through.  Miracles are everywhere.  Believe in them.  I do.

I Just Can't Believe What He's Done This Time!

So, where to begin?  It's been quite awhile since my last blog post.  Life has had it's usual ups and downs, good and bad, happy and sad.  My mother's health issues, work stress, life with one teenager and 3 cats, latest theatre production, art projects, fabulous friends.  I may have been frustrated at times, but life was finally starting to look really good again, for the most part.  Invested in new phones for the kid and I, which of course comes with the new, higher, 2 year contract.  My son is doing really well, and is still the hi-light of my life.  Invested in an iPad - I know, I really didn't need it - but it is so freaking cool!  And it's been very useful at work.  A good friend whom I adore will be moving in with us, which will help with the house and the finances.  Things are looking up.  Or so I thought.

Then the ex-husband rears his ugly head, so to speak.  Just before last night's show I opened to mail to find out that he has defaulted on a joint loan and the bank is coming after me.  It was a Personal Line of Credit (PLC) that was in both of our names when we separated.  The agreement was that he would pay it off over time, and in exchange I would pay off his dentist and Les Scwab bills right away.  When we separated the PLC was under $2,400, and the payments were quite reasonable.  It was the only bill he had to assume when we separated, I kept everything else.

Little did I know that he was making the minimum payments, and then continued to borrow on the damn thing until the balance was over $3,500.  He changed the address but never took me off it, so he's been getting the notices and I was totally unaware.  My fault for trusting him, I know.  I also screwed up by not having it written into the divorce decree, which means I'm still liable for the entire balance.  I don't have any funds, savings, or retirement left.  I cashed out what little I had left to get our son through his senior year, which isn't cheap these days!

I honestly don't know what to do.  I have 10 days to pay the current balance of $3,398 or it goes to collections and they garnish my wages.  We're just squeaking by now between my job, my art, and what little freelance work I can pick up.  Thus the room mate in hopes of making it through the winter without having to shut off the heat.  There is no way we'll make it if they garnish my wages!

I debated whether to blog this or not.  Am I being petty by putting this "out there" for everyone to read, just to get back at him?  Probably.  Am I frustrated beyond belief?  Definitely.  Am I astounded by that man's complete and total self-centered callousness?  Absolutely.  I wanted to be nice to him during the divorce and keep the petty details out of the decree, to set him up with anything he needed to get a place of his own, to make certain this his son didn't lose any respect for his dad. 

Well, that attitude has certainly come back to bite me in the ass.  He's sent me $50 since Christmas and then called me a heartless bitch when I got pissed because he isn't making any payments at all.  He even refused to give the kid $30 for new shoes when he asked him this past week.  He's telling everyone that he misses us both so much, and he's so depressed because, and I quote from his email, "was totally fucked by you last year" so he just hasn't been able to get a job.  Excuse me?  Even our son said I was being too nice to him considering all the crap he's pulled all these years!  You know it's bad when your son tells you to take him to court.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.  I'll try to see my lawyer this week, but I have a feeling she's just going to tell me I'm screwed.  I don't know when I've been so scared.  Our lives were finally getting back on track and both of us were happy.  I've always known that man was selfish and jealous, he hated having to put our son's welfare ahead of his own.  But I just didn't want to believe he would take it this far.

I am trying to focus on the positive things in my life.  Nathan is the biggest one, but I also thank the Lord for my friends and family.  My sister, whose love and support I cherish every single day.  Larry, my brother.  My extended family - Joe, Jim, Diane, Erica, Michelle, Kelly, Andrea, Jackie, Stacie, Kathy.  Friends whom I appreciate more than they'll ever know - Cheryl, Jenny (she'll always be Jen to me), Laura, Jenn, Emily, Tyler & Laura, Mark, Kevin, Eun Hee, and so many others.  Forgive me if I didn't include you in the list, but you'll always be in my heart.  And of course, my 3 furry boys, whom I can always count on for a good laugh.

Ok, I promise the next post will be back to my positive, quirky view of life.  And not so far between... probably.  :-)